WHEN YOU BECOME a mother for the first time, you hear a lot about the fatigue, the physical changes, the joy, the fun and the love that you never imagined. One thing I hadn't heard much of before though was the loneliness that comes with being a stay-at-home-mom. I don't know if I didn't notice it for the first eight months of Finny's life because we were traveling back and forth between Montréal and Toronto so much, or because I had such tight friendships there with people who lived so close to us, but moving to Toronto has been a bit of an eye opener to me.
I've known for a long time that making friends after the university days takes longer to do. I noticed when I moved to Montréal as a newlywed, but I had all the time in the world to make new friends and spend endless hours with them getting to know them so it didn't really make that big of a difference to me. Now that I am two kids deep in a new city I am painfully aware of how long it takes to get really deep and close with people. Don't get me wrong, we are so grateful to have our family here to spend time with and to help with the kiddos, and I have met so many wonderful women here, friends who I know one day will feel like sisters. I wouldn't go back to a care-free life sans kiddos if I had the choice, I feel so privileged to be doing what I am doing. But having two kids with two different schedules and needs means that time with friends, old and new, means "mom conversation" is in full swing - where you spend one half of it talking to your friend, and the other half playing with, talking to and helping your kids. So those friendships are taking way longer to develop and grow.
Part of a great conversation I had with one of my closest friends, Emily, a few weeks back: "Some seasons are just better than others for making friends. Not every season will give you the opportunity to invest in relationships outside of your immediate family. Raising kids and moving cities and adding to your work load don't create ideal conditions for new friendships - and that is OK. But, press on, because they are worth it."
So here I am, coming to terms with the fact that it takes so much longer to become make best friends/soul sisters as you get older, and not every season brings best friends and that is OK. Those friendships, the really deep friendships, are to be maintained, cultivated and cherished, as they become more and more rare as you get older. And as Emmy said, I am "praying for deep friendships in every season, even if that means praying for a miracle."
Photo by Kevin Lee @livekeen / livekeen.ca